AOL Welcome Screen Headline Of The Week

Just like the wording of this one:

Ailing Songbird Caught With Liquor



.

"When I saw you, I knew that I was gonna love you..."

Can love songs serve as prayers? I've noticed lately that certain songs and their lyrics not only resonate with me, but, in hindsight, seem almost prescient. It's almost as if they were waiting for me to sing them as hymns so that God could answer them for me.

To wit:

A couple winters ago, while I was working on a rough draft of my novel, I found the old Fifth Dimension record "Workin' On A Groovy Thing." The song and the lyrics (written, I later learned, by Neil Sedaka) seemed tailor-made for a section of the book that I was working on, so I incorporated them into a chapter, with the song playing on the radio as kind of a Greek chorus while the action took place. It seemed like that was "the reason" I'd found this song.

But somehow, the song stuck in my mind and resonated in my heart and my spirit... and I didn't really think about why, until recently, when I met up again with a woman I liked. I met her a while ago, and at that time, found out that she was attached... and then she moved away... so I thought "O.K., boyfriend... moved away... well, that's that!"

Still, I felt drawn to her in my spirit, and I not only held out hope that someday I'd see her again, but I prayed to God that our paths would cross and we'd get to know each other better, and if it was right...

And now, amazingly, miraculously, she's back. By all indications, she's no less attached than she was before, but this time, I've gotten to know her better, and I've found that the deep feelings I felt for her weren't misplaced... she's an amazing, one-of-a-kind person, and I feel the same way I did when I first met her. Just a deep, deep connection and, as an article I read about "love at first sight" said, "an awareness surrounding me." But, more than that, an almost inexplicable feeling that she's my heart's and my soul's future. Like we're both where we are right now, but that there's a direction I need to go in my life, and if I follow that path, somehow, she's going to be there.

As I wrote to a friend...

....there's all that deep stuff I feel that I don't understand, which must make you think I walk in awe or hold her on some pedestal or something... but when I'm around her, I don't notice all of that. I kind of feel it in the background, but mainly what I notice is that I just LIKE BEING AROUND HER. She's one of those people who makes you feel better because she's down- to- earth, funny, happy, unflappable. She sees the humor in things without being mean or cynical. She laughs at herself without cutting herself down, and can make you laugh at yourself without feeling like you're being insulted. She's not a doormat, but she doesn't disrespect people... and more than that she doesn't IMPOSE on people around her...

I'm really really really really putting this over to God. I do not want to fuck this up. If it's right, I want it to BE right, and if it's not, I want to find whatever IS.

I get all caught up in that when I'm not around her, but then when I see her, it feels effortless. I feel what I feel in my spirit, which makes me feel like something big is in the air, and yet the biggest thing of all to me is that when I'm around her, I couldn't feel more relaxed. She couldn't be a more laid-back, fun, sweet person. SHe makes me laugh and I make her laugh.

I am in serious like here.

To which my friend responded, and I quote:

You are in sooooo deep. And I wouldn't call it serious like.(!) Save these emails.....if anything happens with her, she'd love to see how beautiful you write about her.

Funny: I got this email just a few minutes after I printed out what I'd written, thinking "Maybe someday I'll give this to her."

I've never really felt like this before, and it's a little scary, especially given current circumstances and all the reasons why not (her having a boyfriend chief among them).

I find myself feeling like that old song from the Cinderella musical, "Ten Minutes Ago" --"I wanted to ring out the bells and fling out my arms and to sing out the news! I have found her! She's an angel!"-- but at the same time, there's a part of me that knows that the best thing to do at the moment is play my cards close to the vest and protect this feeling.

So what does all of this have to do with "Workin' On A Groovy Thing"? Just that now, finally, the words of that old hippie pop song not only seem to make sense, but they resonate like they never did before, because it's exactly what I feel for this person. The words are where my heart and spirit are right now.

I don't even mind the word "groovy."

When I saw you I knew that I was gonna love you
And every day I thought of how much I'd love you
Now you're here next to me
And ecstasy is a reality
I feel good when you are near
I'm alive 'cause you are here
Workin' on a groovy thing, baby
Workin' on a groovy thing
Workin' on a groovy thing, baby
Let's not rush it
We'll take it slow...

At the moment, I don't feel like there's a lot I can do in this situation except be a good friend and keep asking God for the answer. I know what I feel, but I also know that current circumstances are what they are, and, as the I CHING might counsel, "movement in any direction would not be advisable."

Still, like I said, I know what I feel. So we'll see.

In the meantime, I wonder if there are any songs she's heard that, for reasons she can't explain, she keeps coming back to. Maybe, like my friend said, someday we'll find out.

For now, though, I'll keep singing those hippie hymns, and a few others, and see where they take me.

.